“Some of you, think that God can’t use you because of your family background.”
The speaker’s words put a lump in my throat. Hearing him verbalize my twenty-year inner struggle was more than my emotions could contain.
I loved being a pastor’s wife in Beijing. But, I often wondered if God had picked me for this role or had I just happened to fall into it. I had fallen in love with a guy called to the ministry. Rather than having a strong sense of calling to ministry myself, I just felt like I had come into ministry through the backdoor. Did God really want to use me?
When Jon and I were married I had one goal—“don’t get in the way!”. My husband’s love for God was apparent and God’s desire to use him was equally apparent. I just needed to be a good wife and not mess things up. Sounds admirable? Closer examination reveals something disturbing. I could see God using my husband but not me. I was clueless that God had a unique ministry plan for my life as well. My goals were set around the thought that God’s anointing was on my husband but not on me.
My lack of confidence was rooted in my past. I came to know the Lord through a Sunday school bus ministry. My husband hand grown up in a pastor’s home. My conclusion, God can use people if they have the right family history.
Listening to this afternoon speaker nail my “family background” issue was a break-through moment. The Holy Spirit was helping me confront a deeply embedded lie. The lie of insignificance. It had whispered to me for years. God could use my husband in ministry, but not me. Following the workshop, I approached the speaker. He was surrounded by our church members peppering him with questions.
I began to share how meaningful his talk was. Before I could finish my sentence, I was sobbing in front of the gathered crowd. The speaker listened to my story, then paused, asking if he could pray for me. That day his simple prayer set me free from a lie and sealed the truth in my heart. God wanted to use me, family history and all.
After the seminar Jon and I grabbed a taxi to head back to our apartment. I scooted across the back seat, looked at Jon and said-
“I feel like a weight of bricks has fallen off my shoulders.”
I had learned an important truth, God desired to use and anoint my life. Never again will I go back to the lie of insignificance. God longs for all of us to serve with His anointing and to walk through life knowing that we are making a difference.
Beth Moore writes in “Praying God’s Word”,
“You must believe Him, Believe He can do what He says He can do. Believe you can do what He says you can do. Believe He is who He says He is. And believe you are who He says you are.”
You have been created to be fruitful in the Lord’s vineyard. I hope that your husband has a powerful calling upon his life, but I pray even so that you will be experiencing the anointing that he has for your ministry as well.